Excrooge Me!

Dr. Mahesh Vaidya is reading a report; it’s not looking good for the patient in front of him. The patient has severe diabetes, high blood pressure, and joint pain. He looks at the patient and says, “Vyavhare Saaheb, it is not looking good. It looks like you have been ignoring your health all these years.” Mr. Ananth Vyavhare looks bleak and wonders what the doctor is talking about. “What’s the matter? Do I pay your retainer for suspense? Out with it! Tell me how long I have!” It seemed Mr. Vyavhare had a faint idea of what was happening. “You are fine! Just stop the drinking and the smoking.” The doctor blurted out. Ananth stood up and left the doctor mid-conversation.

Ananth was a shrewd man. He knew what the doctor was trying to say about the tests. He felt healthy. He knew the doctor was just trying to swindle him out of more money. As he stepped out of the hospital he looked around to search for his driver. “Is this what you get paid for?” He found the driver dozing off. “Go get the car!” Ananth yelled, and the driver hastily fumbled towards the car and drove over. He rushed out and opened the door for his master. Ananth got in, mumbling about the driver’s incompetence as he got in. “To the office!” the driver complied. Ananth pulled out his expensive smartphone and called his assistant. “Karkhanis! Where are you? I have been trying to reach out to you all morning!” Kharkhanis was a diligent and loyal assistant to Ananth; he replied, “My apologies, Sir. I have been putting together the contracts you requested yesterday. I had to leave office early yesterday to pick up my family from the train station.” “No need for excuses! The contracts should have been done yesterday! Those contracts are the catalyst to monopoly! Do it now or I will fire you!” Ananth cut the call after rudely interrupting Karkhanis.

Ananth pulled out a cigarette, mumbling to himself how everyone around him is incompetent and doesn’t do the work. He was just about to light it when the car he was in jolted him forward. Ananth yelled, “What are you doing? Are you mad? I lost a good cigarette!” The driver looked back and said, “A mad man jumped in front of the car, Sir! I had to hit the brakes! He is still there, yelling at the top of his voice!” Ananth was angry and got out of the car to see what was happening. He found a man in a battered suit sitting on the ground yelling, “I’m done for! I have nothing left! No family! No friends! Nothing! Its over!” Ananth walked over to him and yelled, “Hey beggar! Get out of the way; I must get to work!” The beggar looked at him, and Ananth was astonished to see a familiar face. It was Anthony Gonsalves, an old friend from his youth. He grabbed him by the shoulder and yelled, “Anthony! Get yourself together! What are you doing? What is wrong with you?” Anthony recognized him and yelled, “It’s not too late for you, Ananth! Repent Ananth! Repent for your deeds!” and he ran away, leaving Ananth shocked and confused. As he ran into oncoming traffic, Ananth yelled “No!” Anthony ran into an oncoming truck, which killed him instantly.

This moment was shocking for Ananth; he didn’t know what to do. Anthony, as far as he remembered, was a happy man when he knew him. He wondered what happened to him and what his words meant, but he kept his composure and mumbled to himself about his incompetence, saying, “He must have fumbled along the way, now broke as a beggar. Pity the fool!” He didn’t wait for the ambulance and went straight to work after that without showing an ounce of sympathy.

At work, he met Karkhanis, who was ready with all the files to be signed. Ananth was a shrewd man, and he didn’t trust anybody. He read each document before signing it. Made a lot of corrections in the clauses and asked Karkhanis to correct them before the end of the day. Karkhanis complied.

Ananth worked throughout the day without a break. He didn’t move except to light a cigarette, and once it was past 4 PM, he pulled out a bottle of expensive scotch to drink as he worked. He was in deep haze when Karkhanis appeared. “Sir, I have finished working on the contracts. I wanted to let you know that I will be on leave for a week. I have family coming over for Diwali.” Ananth was mad he wouldn’t work but didn’t say anything about it; he simply said, “Fine, take your leave, but I will cut your pay for the week. And tie up all loose ends before you leave. I don’t want any pending work when you are on leave.” Karkhanis nodded and left. Ananth was mumbling to himself about how people were ungrateful for their jobs. He got back to work.

That night he worked late. It was Diwali, and he was down to his fifth glass of scotch. He was done working for the day and was ready to go home. He called ahead for his driver. He got up from his office chair after several hours. Ananth was a short and stout man; he didn’t exercise much, but he was quite active despite that. He stretched his arms out as he looked out of his office window, overlooking Panvel City. He knew he owned it. Everybody knew who he was and why they needed him. Over the years, he had accomplished a lot through sheer hard work and determination. He did not get a free pass like the others, and he was proud of the fact.

He grabbed his bottle of scotch and took a big swig from it, then lit another cigarette as he swiftly headed towards the elevator with a drunken stride. He had worked hard that night, and nobody could say otherwise. He had not eaten anything that day and wanted to go to his favourite restaurant for his usual plate of chicken biryani. He got in the elevator, and as it headed down, gravity shifted from top of him, and he blacked out.

——–

A frequent but slow beeping sound played in the background. A rumble of whispers echoed through the room. The nurses were injecting Ananth with an IV drip, and the doctor on duty was writing a report. Ananth woke up to a scene of controlled chaos. He wanted to know what happened, but he was unable to say anything as his throat was swollen. The doctor looked at him and said, “Your driver found you unconscious in your elevator and brought you to the hospital immediately. You are a lucky man. You have enough alcohol in your system to poison an elephant!” Ananth was mad for being judged by the doctor who didn’t look like he had slept in a month. Dr. Vaidya continued, “We are doing some tests to determine what was the cause of your blackout. For now, rest, Vyavhare Saaheb.” Mumbling to himself about wasting his time in the hospital, he fell asleep in bed.

24 hours later, he woke up. He was fed a breakfast of Upma and tea. He absolutely despised Upma but ate it as he was famished. The tea was the saviour of the meal. He gulped it down, and then the doctor showed up at the ward. Ananth was surrounded by a team of nurses to do his bidding, and they cleared the table immediately, even wiping his mouth for him in the process. After that, they left him alone with Dr. Vaidya. The doctor said, “We found the reason behind your blackout.” Ananth couldn’t bear the suspense. “Out with it!” he yelled. “It was a black mass near your amygdala. I’m afraid it’s cancer.” Ananth was shocked. He immediately yelled, “How long?” The doctor replied, “A month, maybe two.” The doctor left Ananth to his devices.

Ananth was even more shocked after hearing this. He always thought of himself as invincible. He knew he wouldn’t go out like this. He had it all planned! He thought to himself, “What will happen to my company? Who is going to take care of business after me? This can’t be happening right now! I have so much to do!” He couldn’t hold his tears in and bawled out crying. Just then a nurse came in.

He yelled, “Get out! I want to be alone!” She interrupted, saying, “Just dropping this off for you Sir!” She handed him an envelope and sped out of the room like she didn’t exist. Ananth opened the envelope and read the letter. It was an invitation to the funeral of Anthony Gonsalves. He was taken aback. He didn’t expect to receive this the same day as he was told he would die. He remembered the words Anthony yelled at him the last time they met. He remembered the pain he was expressing. He decided to go to his funeral.

Two days later, he was dressed in black. Ananth had known Anthony several years earlier. They were friends in business school. They even went on several treks to almost every Fort built by Shivaji Maharaj when they were in college. He tried to remember where they separated paths. He knew Anthony had become very rich with his tech business and was making great strides in that sector. He was an ambitious man devoted to his work, something Ananth admired about him.

He reached the funeral. It was a big hall. He entered, and to the right was a huge spread of food for the guests. There were several chairs set up for the guests arriving at the funeral. The priest and the undertaker were standing near the casket in which Anthony lay. Ananth walked up to him and noticed he was cleaned up and embalmed by the undertaker for the funeral. There was a USB stick in his palms containing all his beloved memories. He looked at peace considering he was run over by a truck. He hadn’t seen his friend in decades, and it was sad to see him like this. He wished him well and prayed for him. He then looked up and around, and then he looked at the priest and the undertaker with a question on his face. The priest spoke, “His family and friends are now estranged and have refused to honour him at his funeral. Thank you, my child, for giving him this chance at redemption.” The priest then sprinkled holy water over Ananth and walked away. The undertaker then closed the casket as Ananth walked towards the exit.

Ananth sat in a garden, pondering his existence. For the first time in life, he did not feel like working. He was thinking about Anthony, and his last words kept ringing in his head. Those words would haunt him forever. He would never be able to sleep unless he did something about it. He felt stressed, so he pulled out a cigarette and started smoking. His phone was in flight mode this whole time, so he pulled it out and brought it back online. His phone vibrated back to life with a thousand notifications. The business was calling him for his attention, and everything was in chaos at work. Despite all that, he didn’t want to work that day.

Amongst the thousand messages, he received a message from his assistant Karkhanis. It was an invitation to celebrate Diwali at his home. Anant wondered whether to go. He didn’t like all the loud noises and the smoke from the crackers and the bunch of people he would have to meet at the celebration. He realized he had completely alienated himself from the world all these years for a reason, and he wouldn’t want to start now.

To distract himself, he started looking at his Facebook posts on his phone. He scrolled through the notifications of all the business groups he had joined. He learned that Anthony had given all his wealth to a trust fund run by his company and knew very well of the tax rebates he would reap from that. He also knew that upon his death, unless there was a clause preventing it, the entire wealth would be transferred to the company account and would be up for grabs by the board of directors. He also learned that the board of directors had already swooped in like vultures for their pound of flesh and were now richer than yesterday. He felt pity and pain for Anthony and his family as all his hard work had gone to waste. He smirked smugly at Anthony’s naivete and started to pity him even more. He scrolled even further and came across pictures of his assistant and his family enjoying Diwali celebrations. He thought to himself, “What an idiot! He could have been earning money all this time; He wastes time for this? Unbelievable!” and he scrolls further until something stops his fingers in their tracks.

A picture of his now deceased wife appears on his screen. His hands tremble as memories of her flood through his mind. He remembers his youth, and the thought of her had not occurred to him in years. He tried to ignore his feelings as he felt overwhelmed and started having a panic attack. He was remembering all the times she tried to get him to spend time with her. He remembered all the times he refused to leave work so he could avoid going to an event with her. All those missed anniversaries and the missed moments. Her demand for his time was always too much to give. She demanded a child, and he gave her that, but then he didn’t give that child any time either. His son, now all grown up, had not seen him in years! Last he heard he had married some nurse who barely fit the standards of the family! He felt all this rage, fear, and pain until he felt nothing, and he remembered all the good days he spent with his family. Like the day he met his wife, the day he introduced her to his mother, the day his son was born, and then he remembered the sad days like the day his son left him estranged and the day his wife died. He started crying out loud. He hadn’t felt an ounce of emotion all these years, and now he was feeling all these things. Much like his cell phone, which had just come out of flight mode, he too was now receiving the messages that life was sending him. He decided to go to his assistant’s home.

“Vishnu!” he yelled as he beckoned the driver to bring the car around. The driver complied, but he was astonished the master knew his name. “Let’s go to Karkhanis’s home!” The driver obliged. The assistant lived across town, and the traffic was intense due to the festival. There were loud noises and bright lights as the car navigated its way through the city. It was dusk by the time they reached the assistant’s home.

Ananth stepped outside into a puddle of sewage water and cursed the driver for not parking the car properly. However, he moved on from the anger, as he was not in the mood. He quietly stepped forward and then looked up. The building where the assistant lived was an ancient chawl. It had been there for nearly a century, and all the people that lived there knew each other for generations. There were several cracks in the walls, the pipes were leaking, the sewage drains were open, and there were plenty of puddles with flies hovering over them. But then beyond that, the entire place was lit up with LED lighting. It was a festive moment, and people were busy being festive. Children were bursting crackers, reminding Ananth of his childhood when he burst fountain crackers and lit sparklers because the lights pleased him, and he remembered how he used to place sutli bombs outside neighbours’ houses to scare them senseless during Diwali. It brought him back to a different time. He saw the rangoli drawn on the floor and then looked at the flowers hanging from the railings; it reminded him of a time when his father would spend the morning decorating their house with flowers and his mother would draw beautiful rangolis at the entrance of their house. He was totally transported back in time.

He walked up the squeaky stairs of the chawl carefully and found several people staring at the stranger at their doorstep. Ananth smiled at them and asked, “Do you know where Brahma Karkhanis lives?” The people smiled and pointed him towards a door near the middle of the corridor. He walked towards it and found himself facing his assistant. The assistant was shocked to see his boss but smiled and said, “Sir! You came! Welcome, welcome! Please come in!” Ananth said, “Brahma, I hope it’s not a bother. I had nowhere else to go.” Brahma Karkhanis replied, “No, sir, not at all, the more the merrier! I am glad you accepted my invitation!” Brahma guides him inside, and Ananth notices the room is tiny and packed with people. All these people were either his friends or relatives. When compared to the palace that Ananth lived in, this place was small, but for the number of people present in this room, his palace would not be enough. His palace was empty. He hadn’t met so many people at once ever in his life.

In the room, Ananth was given the best chair in the house. A wooden chair made with teak wood and softened with cushions covered in a floral bedsheet. He was showered with several “faral snacks” like chakli, chivda, shankarpalas, and sweets like boondi laddoos, besan laddoos, rava laddoos, karanjis, anarse, chirote, and much more! He found himself overwhelmed by the hospitality. He noticed the people were having a ball and were spending time chitchatting, playing cards and dancing. The children were playing with sparklers inside the house, and the mothers were chasing them, hoping they didn’t burn down the place. The men were chatting each other up, trying to one-up each other with funnier and funnier jokes. Then there were the ladies who were laughing while doing household chores and having fun. All of this reminded him of his family. He was overwhelmed, and he was about to cry, so he excused himself and went up to the backseat of his car, where he found a private moment to cry.

Ananth cried as he repented of every decision he had made over the years. He took out his packet of cigarettes and threw them in the car’s trash can along with the lighter. He looked up and said to himself, “I don’t know how to fix this, but I know now that money and power won’t bring me back the time I lost.” He leaned into the front seat and started crying his heart out with his face buried in his arms. Ananth cried his heart out, asking for forgiveness for all the pain he had caused others and for the time lost. He was asking for peace. Vishnu witnessed this and ran to get Brahma.

Brahma arrived swiftly, opening the car door, and asking Ananth to step out. He was worried about his boss, and he took him into his home. Brahma left Ananth at his special seat and went to speak with his wife Saraswati in private. He then made a phone call and then walked up to Ananth and kneeled in front of him. “Sir, have you eaten today?” Ananth wobbled his head indicating he had not eaten that day. Brahma looked to Saraswati, and she gathered all the ladies in the house. Brahma then gathered all the men, and they then set up a pangti. A pangti, for those who don’t know, is a style of seating where people sit on the floor in a line and then plates are set in front of them. Brahma quickly set up a couple of straw mats parallel to each other to maximise the space for seating.

Brahma beckoned Ananth to sit first in the pangti. Ananth sat consoling himself and wiping away his tears. Brahma carefully set up a plate in front of him and then in front of the rest of the gentlemen sitting in the pangti. Then he signalled his wife, who sent a series of ladies from the kitchen. The first lady served the mango pickles, shrikhand, chutneys, koshimbir, and other condiments. The second lady served the rice. The third lady served the papad, the vegetable bhajis, puris, alluwadis, and bondas. The next lady served the dal on the rice, then served a spoonful of ghee on top. The next lady served mixed vegetables and vatana amti. The last lady served the kheer, all the laddoos, jalebis, and Gulab jamuns. The thali was now ready. Brahma then said a few words of prayer and then announced that the men could commence eating.

Ananth had not eaten a home-cooked meal since his wife had passed away. He was hungry and had gone through a rough day, so he focused on eating the food. Each item he tried was made to perfection. He was delighted to know that his favourite bondas were spicy and crispy but not too spicy. Brahma kept an eye on Ananth and the other guests, asking his wife to send in more items as and when the guests needed something. He insisted they eat more, they refused to eat more as they were stuffed. Ananth too enjoyed the meal, and he too took several servings throughout the meal. He was happy to be alive and in the moment. Brahma noticed a difference in his boss and smiled as he was happy that he was here.

After the meal, Ananth found himself so full he could barely walk. He washed his hands, and immediately Brahma’s wife Saraswati served him badishep (fennel seeds) and sugar, a mouth freshener taken after meals which is also good for digestion. He looked at Brahma and asked, “Have the ladies eaten?” Brahma said, “No.” Ananth responded by saying, “Gather the men, we have a job.”

Minutes later, the women were requested to sit in the pangti. The men then scattered in synchronization. Some men were dispatched to do the dishes. Others were dispatched to serving duties. Ananth and Brahma themselves took up the cleaning duties and catered to each of the ladies, asking them if they needed anything. The ladies relaxed and ate joyfully as the men handled the chores.

By the time the ladies were done eating, the kitchen was spick and span with no chores left. Ananth then picked up the badishep and sugar and offered it to the ladies after they had washed their hands.

Brahma looked at this transformation and was proud to see what his boss had become. He called on him to sit and chat with him for a bit, and Ananth obliged. Brahma said, “Tell me, sir, why were you crying earlier? Is everything okay?” “Everything is okay now. I was just having a rough day.” Ananth sat quietly for a second to gather his thoughts and said, “Brahma, I have been behaving too harshly with you all these years. I want you to forgive me for my crass behaviour. I was on the wrong path of life for years, and now I have a chance to make amends, and I want you to forgive me.” Brahma was surprised by this statement and said, “Sir, please, you were never out of line. If I made a mistake, you corrected me, as is your job. As a matter of fact, I wanted to thank you for everything that you have done for me.” Ananth was taken aback. “What did I do for you?” Brahma said, “Sir, when I started working for you, my father had just passed away, leaving me to take care of my mother and two sisters. I was responsible for paying for the weddings of my sisters, and the insurance provided to me by your company took care of my mother’s health.” Brahma continued, “My wife was able to finish her degree because I was able to pay for it with my job. She then found a good job because of that degree, and now my daughter can go to a good school!” Ananth looked surprised that so much had happened and he was unaware of it, realizing how oblivious he was to the lives of others. Brahma then said, “Sir, everything I have is because of you, and I am very grateful for everything you have done for us. The salary you give me is very competitive, and it is my obligation to serve you well. Please don’t feel bad about making demands to honour our contract.”

Ananth was having feelings of joy and contentment after hearing all this. He wanted to give Brahma a gift. He said, “Brahma, I know I pay you well for your work, but it is my duty to make sure my employees are not overworked and treated fairly. Somewhere down the line, I forgot how important it is to have a balance between work and life, and my life tilted towards my work. I lost touch with important people in my life, and then I lost those people.” Ananth then announced, “From now on, there will be new policies in my company regarding working hours. You will help me set these policies and ensure that they are fair and square.” He continued, “I want to give everyone an increase in festival bonuses, including our blue-collar staff. Without them, our company is nothing.” Ananth took a pause and said, “Finally, I want you to help me track my son down for me. Please, I need him.”

Brahma smiled and said, “That part is already done, sir.” Ananth was shocked to hear that. “What?” he said. Brahma said, “Sir, we tracked your son down when you were unconscious in the hospital. You didn’t have any next of kin registered, so Vishnu and I used our network to track him down for you.” Tears welled up in Ananth’s eyes, and he looked at Brahma and said, “You truly are an angel, Brahma!” And he hugged him. Brahma said, “Sir, I am no angel, but to add to the surprise, please look behind you.” Ananth looked behind, and he sees his son, his son’s wife, and with them was a little girl, their daughter, Ananth’s granddaughter!

Ananth was overwhelmed with joy. He rushed to his son and embraced him, saying, “Dushyant! I am so sorry Son! I didn’t give you the time you deserved. I apologize for my mistakes and the wrong that I did to you and your mother!” Dushyant’s son replies, “Father, for years I held myself back because I was angry and I wanted you to suffer for what you did to us. But now that we heard from Dr. Vaidya about your illness, I don’t want to waste any more time and want to make amends and cherish the time we have left!” Ananth was overjoyed to hear his son had forgiven him, and he said, “Aren’t you going to introduce me to the rest of the family?” Dushyant then looked to his daughter and said, “This is Danusiya, your granddaughter.” Ananth looked at the precious little thing with her little fist in her mouth, trying to gauge the situation playfully. He smiled and said, “You named her after your mother! I am so happy for you, my son! You have brought happiness to my home!” Dushyant then calls his wife to his side and says, “This is my wife, Shakuntala.” Ananth looked at her and said, “I owe you an apology for my behaviour. I disrespected you and your family, and my son was right to take your side. Please forgive me for what I did.” To this Shakuntala said, “Please Baba you were experiencing a different perspective, and so was I. Now times have changed, and we are now together. That is what I feel is more important, and we should now live together as a family. Danusiya too needs her grandfather, so please come back to us!” Ananth was happy to know that she too had forgiven him, but still somewhere in his heart he felt like he knew her and then said, “I feel like I know you. Have we met before?” Just when she was about to reply, a voice from behind said, “I will answer that question for you Sir!” Everyone looked back, and it was Dr. Mahesh Vaidya standing with Vishnu.

“Your daughter-in-law is actually a nurse in our hospital, Vyavhare Saaheb.” Ananth was shocked; he looked at her and remembered that she was the one who gave him the envelope to Anthony’s funeral. He asked her, “Are you the nurse who gave me the envelope at the hospital?” Shakuntala replied, “Yes, that was me. I knew you were my father-in-law, but I didn’t want to say anything until it was the right time.” Ananth asked, “What do you mean the right time?” To this, Dr. Vaidya said, “She means this!” He presents Ananth with his reports. He looks at it, and the doctor asks him to read it out loud. It read:

The patient, Mr. Ananth Vyavhare, was found unconscious in the elevator of his office building and brought to the hospital by his driver, Mr. Vishnu Gaikwad. He was then stabilized with CPR, and tests were run to find the cause of his blackout. The tests determined that there was excess alcohol in his system, and it caused the patient to blackout.

Ananth looked to the doctor with surprise and was about to ask him about the mass in his brain when the doctor interrupted and said, “It was Shakuntala’s idea. She, Dushyant, and Mr. Karkhanis came to me asking for my help after Mr. Karkhanis was able to track down your son Dushyant. We devised a plan to intervene your way of life. We decided to take advantage of the death of your friend Anthony Gonsalves. We had no choice we did not want to see you end up the same way.”

The doctor continued, “We requested the Undertaker and the Priest at the church to invite you to the funeral. All we needed was a slight push towards mortality. And coincidentally, Shakuntala was working as a nurse in our hospital. As we had planned, I told you that you had brain cancer. then Shakuntala came in to interrupt your grief by handing you the invitation.”

Here Shakuntala spoke, “We knew you would take the bait as Anthony was an old friend of yours and the way you shrugged off his death was unnatural and we knew you were suppressing your feelings. At the funeral we did not know how you would react. But the priest threw a yorker! He knew exactly how to tell you the truth about how Anthony had lost his way.”

Now Dushyant spoke, “I was following you as you went to the funeral home and then you sat in the garden scrolling through your phone. We needed you to come to us and so as planned I messaged Brahma to send you an invitation to his home. At first you ignored the invite but then I don’t know what happened you changed your mind. Vishnu brought you here. All we had to do was bring you here and now here we are.”

Ananth was surprised by all of this. He looked at every person in front of him. He questioned his existence and was about to say something when Brahma interrupted, “Sir, it takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a family to bring a man home. Please forgive us for our actions; we did all of this so you would see the path you were taking and pivot from there to a safer destination.” Ananth was still in shock, but then he raised his arms to an open embrace and immediately his family came in and returned the love that he so desired. Ananth chose to forgive them as they had forgiven him and realised that he was still very much loved. Ananth took Danusiya from his son’s arms and said, “I am never leaving you out of my sight!” Everyone there that day on that terrace rejoiced and danced as the loud music played and the celebrations of Diwali had started again.

In the background, Brahma, Vishnu, and Mahesh watched and smiled as their endeavours had paid off.